Over the past few days I have been in deep thought. I have had constant company and for the first time I had my house to myself. I slowly have weeded out his belongings and things I no longer have any interest in that I know he will appreciate. I will give them to him today for the sake of my sanity and to make that house solely mine. I hope he understands that I do not hold any bad grudges against him. I do not hate him, far from it. He is a good man, just not good enough for me.
It always amazes me how two people's lives can become so intertwined. I found things that I had forgotten about all over the place that were his, pajama pants, water bottles, hair brushes, soap, sweaters, even some alcohol that I no longer have interest in.
I am not afraid of the future, but very anxious to begin. I re-read my patriarchal blessing and realized that I am destined for some pretty awesome stuff. I hope I didn't miss the boat! I am sure God will reward me. As a matter of fact, he already has. I may have a broken heart, but I barely feel it. It is more like the outside rim of my heart hurts and the inside is so full of direction and purpose that there is no room for hurt.
As I move forward in my goal and purpose, I will strive to not make the same mistake twice (or a third time if you want to count Will.) I plan with everything I have in me to go for that eternal marriage, to find that someone who will fulfill my every wish, desire and hope. I will realize that loneliness is Satan's tool and that I will not let it get to me this time. I will fill my days with so much to-do that I will go home exhausted and on my days off I will rest and let my body unwind. I will use Sunday as a day of rest and try with all my might to focus on what is really important, myself and my salvation.
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