Falling

I recently had an experience where I have fallen.  Not literally, figuratively and spiritually. I have been fighting quite some time against urges that I thought I had beaten months ago.  Then he comes back.  The one man in my life who truly loved me for me.  With him came temptation so powerful I did not see it coming.  The next thing I knew, I was in a situation of regret and sorrow.  I feel so much shame because i knew that Satan was trying. I knew that he (Satan) was after me and instead of fortifying I thought I could control the situation.  I was grievously mistaken. I lost my way for such a brief moment, but that is all it took. I had had to find that not even for an instant can I let down my guard.  None of us can, we are much too precious to our Heavenly Father for him to lose. 

Through my fall, I realized that  Jesus Christ did more than just make my mistakes go away, he made it so that I could simply move on  and become the person I am supposed to become.  Forgiveness is not an easy thing to achieve, but I know they want me to be forgiven so I can continue on growing without  being burdened with sorrow and sadness.

I am not sure if I will beat the adversary in the end at this point, but I know that I have to rely on the tools given to me.  I must read, I must pray, I must always be vigilant in what I do and watch and say. Falling hurts, it more than hurts, it is excruciating.  Your soul feels empty, your mind goes blank, and all that can be thought is "What have I done?"

I encourage everyone reading to take heart. To know that Christ will save you, but you must make the choice.  You have to make an ultimate and final decision.