Trying to Build Something Beautiful

It is so frustrating to paint. You have to paint one coat, dry, then another, dry, make sure that you don't paint the places not that color and then you have to tape off what you just painted if you are painting the other areas a different color. However, the progression has been steady thanks to many friends and family helping. I am now down to the last coat of paint on the trim and planning to do the ceiling tonight. I am wishing to clean my carpet while all my furniture is conveniently off of it, so tonight I will do the first coat of ceiling paint. Then tomorrow I plan to take a mental health day and clean the carpet with every intention of hiding out in my room all day while it dries. Next day is all about moving stuff back into place and putting up drapes. The next day is going to be the big challenge, organizing the garage. Pictures to be posted once I figure out how to do it. It is very frightening to look at all the clutter an individual accumulates in just one year. I hope to keep up this tradition of a yearly cleaning over a week's time so I will not end up on the show Hoarders. :) It is off to finishing my assignments. I feel good about this semester, so keep all ligaments crossed!

Missing you!

Lynnette, my roommate of over a year now has been forced to move out. She had to quit her job as a manager at Maurices because of various problems with her boss and the work environment. She had found a new job working at an insurance agency. However, this took certification and test taking which took longer than she expected. Slowly her money ran out and she told me last week that she had to leave. It is true that I wish she had informed me earlier stressed or not, but I also started to move forward with plans to paint the front room and clean the carpets.

It was odd. I was not very sad that she was leaving. I was eager and almost impatient. However, today, when the last of her things went out the door (minus a mirror and painting that she accidentally left behind) I felt a great void.It is true that my house looks rather sad at the moment with no drapes and various paint samples on the wall, but when I sat there by myself I quickly realized that the presence of Lynnette was gone. There was not feeling of someone else. It was all me. It was a rather interesting feeling that I soaked in for almost half and hour. The space was totally and wholly mine. I missed her presence, but I also felt so much liberation and yet the whole empty feeling was almost inescapable. It is very bipolar feeling of me.

I will miss Lynnette's laugh, her ability to make me laugh, our late night talks as we get ready for bed, the various plans to make the house our own, my grips with her not being outside of her own room and hers of my constant clutter, but most of all it was the coming home to someone. Knowing she was there even if asleep or awake. We were together and now it is over. Sighs and laments.

Moving Forward

It is so hard to face up to criticism from your family and friends. I believe that the life I have is a good one. I am a good person and I have good goals and dreams. I may not have what people would want for me in a relationship, but I love this man. He is my other half. He has my humor, my drive, and my dreams in mind. This is all I ask of him. What I ask of everyone else is to respect my decision and recognize that this last fight has eliminated most of the old issues such as his inability to commit to me. He told me straight up he will marry me when he can support himself instead of relying on me. As stupid as this sounds to some, I respect it. I know marriage is a partnership, but in this situation maybe individual growth needs to happen first. I will leave this argument at that. I love all of you and I hope you can just back me up instead of coming down on me.